Elusive words

Elusive thoughts often invade my mind, I’m constantly plagued by a thousand thoughts in a single moment, combining into an almost unbearable cacophony of indecipherable sounds. My mind never seems to find its moment of solitude and respite.

It is an odd thing to be afflicted with, true whilst creativity is often one of the benefits of a restless mind, it oft leads to over thinking and over analysing mundane situations, which then leads me in a viscous circle of vain attempts to dull and still my mind, in order to be able to focus on the task that lays before me.

However, when I seek to put words to action, when I choose to grab the proverbial quill and parchment and give voice to my thoughts, the thoughts, and indeed the words themselves become elusive.

It oft leads to confusing moments where I am unable to equate myself with the world that surrounds me, where the most logical task becomes an unbearable overcomplicated entanglement for which I find no solution to.

This leads me to often procrastinate when it comes to chasing the dream, for decades, I have wished and dreamed to pay my bills with a stroke of a quill. Words have enthralled me for as long as I can remember, and to be able to feed my family with a mere stroke of a pen is one of my oldest yearnings.

However, a lack of confidence means that I place doubt upon my own expression, and I continue to stoke the flames of the dragon, yet refusing to feel the heat.  Perhaps that will be my legacy in the future, desire without premise, dreaming without realisation.

Even now as I put words to thoughts, I find myself almost unable to stop myself from going off on a seemingly endless tangent, perhaps my problem is simply a font of creativity with no direct path, an abundance of water with no path is a puddle, yet dig a trench and set a path, and that puddle will eventually become a river.

My aspiration is not often my inspiration, it is hard for me to define where my inspiration comes from, at times it really is just random musings, whilst other times, I have to delve into the darkest corners of my emotions, of my soul, just to be able to ascribe to words the emotions that lay simmering within.

Elusive words oft haunt me, like a phantom, a spectre that you can see out of the corner of your eyes yet quietly dismiss, as nothing more than a trick of the light, yet your mind knows otherwise.

Today was the time to place a restriction to the amount of words that elude me, and with this blog, I hope to set myself on the path where dreams become reality, and where bills are paid by the fluid movement of a quill on a piece of parchment.

Always dream, and place your efforts upon making your dreams a reality.

The Raven

sniper kitty

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