It has been quite the tumultuous time for me as of late, especially from an emotional perspective. Loss has weighed heavily upon my soul and continues to do so, yet I find myself in a situation wherein my employment nor my fiscal recompense for my efforts are unsatisfactory. It has become a rather frustrating endeavour to put my efforts into the tasks which maintain my gainful employ when it is clear as day that my efforts are not respected, nor is any thought nor compassion given when I am faced with deeply personal situations that are beyond normality.
The frustration lies also within the fact that my search for a more productive employ from both a fiscal and respect perspective is yet to bear any fruit, all paths seem to lead to a dead end from wherein I cannot seemingly emerge for the time being.
So add to the feelings of loss, both the frustration and the feelings of inadequacy after continual rejections and it becomes a cornucopia of tumultuous emotions that often leaves me in a state of emotional flux, unsure as to which emotion to express at different times.
Hope remains that things will indeed change in the future, and indeed there is a possibility, just based on mathematical probability alone, but until then, it seems that this cornucopia will bear the poisoned fruit of sorrow rather than the golden chalice of joy.
The rather sad thing is, that writing aside, I am uncertain as to what I truly wish to undertake as a career, I find myself inspecting and pondering a thousand angles, but never seemingly finding the right one upon which to set my compass by. It is immensely frustrating since it leads me to being in types of employ that I clearly do not enjoy, and that more often than no, do not offer the fiscal recompense that I would wish to attain.
For now I remain hopeful, here’s to the future, and hopefully soon, a new career, a greater fiscal compensation for my efforts, and indeed respect for my efforts and any personal situation I may have to suffer through.
Until next time,