Ironically enough, today I have found myself musing on career choices, more specifically, my own. After taking an introspective look at myself, it has become clear to me that my approach to my career has been a reactionary one, rather than proactive. Initially I begun a career in construction, out of necessity to be able to provide for my wife and my then unborn daughter, with retail it was the same reason, I begun a career in retail, in order to provide for my growing family.
The reasons themselves are as valid as any, however I feel as if I am yet to be in a form of employment that I am passionate about. I felt very passionate about my career in construction since it was a family business of a family member of mine that I am very close to, but as for the industry itself, I had no real passion for.
Feeling much the same about retail (minus the passion for the company to begin with) I have recently begun researching possible educational ventures that I can undertake in order to advance my possibilities within a chosen career, except there is one slight problem, I have absolutely no idea which career would be best suited for me, or that I would be passionate about.
There are a number of things that I find myself truly passionate about (writing and singing for example) which are currently nigh impossible to be able to establish a successful career in due to the over-saturation of those specific markets. The other things I find myself passionate about have reasons within themselves why I find myself unable to undertake a career in them. Football (too old), Comic books (not artistically talented enough), gaming (not at all talented from a technological and programming perspective) are all careers which again are next to impossible to be able to succeed in for someone like myself.
So the question then is, what is it that I can do? What do I desire to do? For years I have wished to leave a legacy behind for my children, something that they in the future can point to their children and say “My Daddy did that” and for years I have wanted to make a difference in people’s lives. Both are valid thoughts in my opinion, but the problem lies within knowing just what kind of career would give me that possibility to work towards.
Time after time, qualification after qualification, I have found myself passionate about something for a moment or two, before losing my passion and interest completely and moving on to another obsession, until that too loses its lustre.
These two questions are currently plaguing me more than I would care to admit. With the unexpected and painful death of my unborn child, I have been withdrawing myself into some introspective thought, to try and establish a better appreciation of life, and indeed to find something I am truly passionate about and work towards it.
The sad thing is, that my thoughts on my career are purely from a fiscal perspective. The benefits from a fiscal perspective a lucrative career would provide my family weighs upon my mind, this however, leaves me struggling to truly figure out just wherein lies my passion.
For years I have searched for a career, for something that makes me jump for joy whenever the alarm goes off, for years my search has been largely futile. There is no end to the frustration that comes with a situation such as this. Even when looking at some of the courses on offer, I find myself registering a flicker of interest in some, and yet none scream out to me as something that I truly desire to undertake. So the question remains, what to do?
Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is, retail, is not something I wish to make a career out of, and I am in no doubt that I wish to move on from my current employment as soon as possible. What I will move on to is currently unknown to me, and I am almost certain that the motivation will be fiscal rather than passion, and in a few months or years, my search for my passion will begin anew.
Therein lies the viscous circle I currently find myself in. Since I am unable to break the cycle, it seems the circle for me will continue. Some further introspection is required, perhaps a part of the reason I find myself unable to find a career I am passionate about, is due to my inability to really know just who I am from a purpose perspective. It seems until I uncover just what makes me tick, I will be unable to uncover my career passion, and embark upon it, in short, it seems the status quo within my life will remain for a while longer.
Until next time,