Viscous Circle

It has become a rather tiresome and frustrating venture, to continually apply for further and new opportunities career wise and still get absolutely nowhere. This past week, much like every week, has seen me come across some opportunities that have piqued my interest, that I have applied to and then nothing but silence, as usual.

It becomes a rather viscous circle in all honesty, repetition breeds frustration and contempt, and you begin to ponder the point of it all, only to remind yourself that you are unable to take an opportunity should you not seek it, and so, the circle begins anew.

Recently I have come across a dream opportunity, one that would be the perfect situation for me to find myself in, and yet I am certain that it will go nowhere, that I will not be able to fulfil the role, and that it will go to someone else. I have lost the ability to hope or expect the chance to advance beyond my current station.

It is impossible to hope beyond what you have when each attempt to venture into the beyond, is meet with a cascade of silence and rejection, sometimes almost immediately. So you find yourself ceding to the status quo, accepting it, yet loathing it in equal measure.

So what does the future hold? I honestly do not know, I would love to state that the future holds some hitherto yet unknown opportunity that will yield both joy and fiscal rewards, yet I feel that I will find myself in the same situation I am now, for it is impossible to look beyond the endless rejection and expect acceptance.

It has become quite easy to become a pessimist in regards to these matters purely because rejection sans hope is easier to accept and deal with than allowing hope to fester and bloom, only to have that hope shattered when the rejection comes through as expected.

In a certain respect, there must be a glimmer of hope, however minute, because otherwise I would not continue to seek further opportunities, but until the moment arrives, when an opportunity is offered to me in writing, will I believe that such a thing is possible.

Right now I refuse to allow the integration between hope and opportunity, for to do so will only create situations where dreams are broken, frustration grows, and hopelessness reigns. As someone who has struggled with depression before, this is something I seek to avoid, for I do not wish to fall down an all too familiar path.

Hopefully the future will hold the perfect opportunity for me, that I will accept with both hands, and then my family and I, can grow and develop, in the manner that we seek to. However until that opportunity arises, and until it arises in writing, I will continue to follow the viscous circle, ad infinitum, on a daily basis, until the silence is broken.

Until next time,

The Raven


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