It is an odd thing, to discover something about yourself that you had never realised before, but then therein explains a lot about yourself. I had that happen to me in these last couple of days. I’ve always been a bit of a worrier, and I’ve had problems before in life both physically and emotionally, that I never once considered to be linked at all, until two days ago.
Two nights ago I suffered a panic attack, and during the next day I suffered three more. Once the panic attack of two nights ago ended, I started researching the symptoms of it to see what is it that causes them, I eventually found information about Generalised Anxiety Disorder. It was within this information that I realised that this was in essence, me. The symptoms of it almost read as a list of my personality traits, and lead to explain a lot of the things which I had previously deemed unexplainable.
So what does this all mean? Well in the short run, not an awful lot in all honesty aside from peace of mind. Things will not immediately get better for me because I came across this information. In the long run however, it could lead to me finding ways in which to stop myself from being so anxious, learning relaxation techniques and hopefully, an improvement in my quality of life.
As it stands right now, the situation that caused my series of panic attacks has no immediate solution, there are just certain things that a man cannot cede even if he felt backed into a corner. I am hopeful however, that a solution will appear soon enough, and therein things shall be altogether less stressful. As of now however, the anxiety, the worry will continue to increase, until I find an acceptable solution.
What does not kills you makes you stronger, at times I feel that after all I’ve been through in life, I should be invincible, but unfortunately life does not work like that. Recently I find myself feeling far more vulnerable and in need of support from those around me, there might be some decisions that seem questionable from me in the moment, but, I feel it is vital that I am backed in my decisions, to know that those that love me have faith in me.
The next few weeks will perhaps reveal just how the cookie does crumble, hopefully it will crumble in a manner that is appeasing to me and those around me, or at least, that provides as much benefit as it did before.
Until next time,