The end of the day, usually brings forth the terror of night. On a daily basis for the last week or so, I have been plagued by constant nightmares, causing me to awaken about three to four times a night. The nightmares seem logical, which makes it all the more terrifying. I am certain that this is merely the amalgamation of my worries and anxieties as a result of the last week and a half or so.
It is quite the frustrating experience, waking up so many times during the night leads to exhaustion the following day, which in turn gives everything an altogether more testing edge. Patience is a virtue seldom found within when lack of sleep means exhaustion reigns supreme.
Each nightmare has brought a wave of terror within myself that requires up to half an hour for me to be able to regain my composure and attempt to sleep once more, therein causing me to lose two hours of sleep every night.
Normally, I am not one who sleeps for extended periods of time. For years I functioned and worked with only four hours of sleep per night. However the constant interruptions leaves me struggling to even begin the next day on the right frame of mind. There is only one nightmare that I can remember with any clarity, and it involved me losing everything I hold dear in a very slow, methodical manner.
It is quite clear what it is that I fear and have been anxious about during these last ten days or so, and it clearly weighs heavily on my mind. Whilst the anxiety attacks have indeed ceased for the time being, it does seem that I have merely replaced the attacks with nightmares. Frankly I could do without either of them, and yet I am still surprised that my worries have surfaced in such a manner lately. Whilst I have worried before, I’ve never quite reacted like this to anything in my life before, and I’ve dealt with far worse situations than the situation I currently find myself in. I’ve lost far more than merely my peace of mind in the past, yet oddly enough this is the one that seems to have the emotional aspect of it, affect me physically, and I’m not quite certain why that is.
Last time I alluded to how Generalised Anxiety Disorder seems to explain a lot of my personality and quirks, yet I am still confused as to why the manifestation has taken place now and not earlier. Was losing my fiscal peace of mind merely the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back? Is this merely a singular occurrence or is this the start of something altogether more chronic? The fact that the answer is not yet available concerns me, especially since it just highlights to me the possibility that I might have to endure these anxiety attacks on a more frequent basis.
As it stands, the terrors within the darkness of night will continue to interrupt the few hours of sleep I can muster, whilst the light of day will continue to allow the concerns within my mind to fester, one feeds the other, therefore making my mind my own worst enemy. Such is the way of things I suppose, I can only hope that the fiscal peace of mind returns, so that so too will my sleep, so that my anxiety and my nightmares will be resigned to nothing more than memories.
Until next time,