Spirituality: Feelings And Gifts

It’s quite an odd feeling to explain and elaborate on, but for the last few decades I’ve experienced some things that I have always considered myself to be cursed with. Family and friends have often considered these things a gift, though I never saw it as such, I considered them almost a punishment for my times of weakness.

The two things that I am talking about are odd to describe but either way I shall attempt to. The first one is almost a perception of things that are spiritual. I can often “feel”  the spiritual side of things, for a lack of a better phrase when passing by a church or an area which has a recorded history of paranormal activity. The second thing is witnessing paranormal activity both in terms of auditory and visual (often both) perception.

This is something especially hard for me, since when it comes to paranormal activity. I am a massive sceptic. During these experiences, I am more likely to blame it on a badly digested piece of food, or a misconception by my senses and brain, rather than anything paranormal. There have been times however, where logic cannot find an alternate reason to the things I have experienced.

Thing is, I find these things as a curse, especially when it comes to a third thing, for lack of a better phrase, I shall term it as precognition. Do not get me wrong however, I do not claim to be a soothsayer, nor a seer, nor a prophet, merely that at times I get feelings of certain things happening, and then these things come to pass.

My grandmother, with whom I have discussed this with to a great extent over the decades, has always considered me gifted in this regard, she always said that since a child I had been in touch with the spiritual world, and that I should use my “talents” to help others. This is where she and I often disagreed. I saw this as a frustration, almost a punishment, I did not and do not, want to be special or talented, or gifted, I merely wanted to be normal, to not have to experience any of this. Over the years I have considered myself to merely have an overactive imagination rather than any gift or ability.

This leaves me with a rather awkward conundrum, since I am unable to explain the unexplainable when it comes to the feelings and things I experience, yet I still try and find the most logical explanation since, after all, that is the intellectual and right thing to do in my own mind.

Yet I can never deny the spiritual side of my life, I am, or rather I try to be a practising and faithful Christian, and like most people, I have struggles with adhering the to the tenants of my faith. I find myself in an odd dichotomy of sorts, with trying to keep the spiritual side of my life and thoughts, in perfect balance with the logical side of things and thoughts in my life.

So where do I stand in all this? I am not really sure in all honesty. I fully embrace my faith and the spiritual side of things as mentioned in the bible, yet also try to ignore the feelings and things that I have experienced over the years. For years I have said that the things I see and hear, are not what they claim to be, and therefore ignore them and refuse interaction. There are some who will see this as the demented claims of a mad man, or the words of a man with mental health issues. Others will see me as gifted, and others as a very spiritual person. All I say, is that I am merely a man, who tries to be a good Christian, trying to understand the spiritual things in life, as best he can.

Until next time,
The Raven

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