I sit currently in the midst of an existential crisis, which has left me wrought with indecision. One the one hand, this decision could see me finally return home to my country of origin, on the other hand, it could also lead to a life of utter chaos so careful consideration must be given to every single aspect of the decision.
Honestly if I do return home, it will be one of the hardest decisions of my life, I would have to uproot myself and then uproot my family afterwards once everything had been prepared accordingly.
This decision is not an easy one to make, there are so many different variables to be considered that everything has to be weighed in equal measure. Emotionally, I am honestly already on the flight back home. This is something that I have desired for almost two decades, logically however, everything must be done with absolute precision, and the uttermost care.
Not only do I have to take into consideration the effect this move would have on my family, but also my beloved pets. For the three of them, this move could be incredibly stressful and cause them months of anguish. For it would not only be the placing them into travel cages and having them moved to strange places with strange smells before the flight, but also the flight itself and then the readjustment to not just a new house, but a new country, with new smells that would cause further fights between them as they would try to assert dominance over every single inch of the new house. This new chaos would take them at least six months to a year for them to finally settle down, and that is if they ever truly do.
Then there is the fact that my son is autistic and also has a chromosomal deletion, which is something that we have to look into further. I honestly worry about whether old attitudes that were prevalent when I was a child will still be around, and whether he will suffer because of it. My daughter is quite sensitive and the brusque manner and characters that are found in my home country might affect her quite badly in that regards. My youngest is still in her early formative years, and would have the easiest transition of all of us, but there would still be such confusion over a new school, making new friends and getting used to a new house.
These are the concerns that plague me day and night, and there worst thing is, there is no easy solution. My desire to return home is a strong one, but I must do what is right for my family. At least, I must ensure that any transition, any change is one that is made as easy as possible for all of them, pets included, and therein lies the difficulty of it all. In my heart, I am already back home, but in my head, I am still connecting the dots to ensure we find the right way to the airport…
Until next time,